The only way to change our lives is by changing our minds!!

When bad things happen, it is easy to forget the good things, isn’t it? The bad takes over, pushing everything positive to the back burner, and that is not a good place to leave them.

Some negative conversations do have to be had, and things that aren’t remotely positive do have to be dealt with. But one bad thing doesn’t need to stand out over all the good ones.

Why the bad one is so loud

There is a reason this happens to everybody, and knowing it helps.

The mind holds on to threats far more tightly than to pleasant things. That is not a personal defect - it is old equipment doing its job, because for most of human history missing a danger was fatal and missing a nice afternoon was not.

So one criticism outweighs ten compliments. One thing that went wrong redefines a day where nine things went right. You are not being ungrateful or dramatic. Your attention is simply weighted, and it was weighted long before you had any say in it.

Which means correcting it is not something that happens naturally. It has to be done on purpose, every time.

What we choose to focus on is up to us. We can focus on the negative or on the positive. Just don’t forget the good.

When negativity takes over, it is not easy to remember what was fine about a situation. But know this: whatever the situation, whatever happened, that thing - that action, that thought, that arrangement of words - is not you. Bad things happen to everyone.

Look for the lesson

Look for the lesson inside the bad. When something goes wrong it is so easy to want to give up. Don’t.

Sit back, try to see what is still good in the situation, then work out what the bad part has to teach. There is always a lesson, and if we don’t go looking for it we simply miss it. Whatever the situation - an argument, a negative thought, a genuinely terrible event - there is knowledge to be taken forward.

I have learnt from the bad things, and it is helping me make the good things better.

Bad things happen all the time. That does not make the wider situation any less wonderful. One bad thing does not have to erase all the good ones.

Remember, you have the power to choose your focus. You can let that one negative thing take over, or you can centre your thoughts on what is good and go looking for it. These situations have taught me a lot, and the most important thing I have learnt is that I am not giving up - and neither should you.

Protecting your own weather

Don’t let yourself become infected by toxic negativity. A difficult person is usually locked into a negative mindset of their own, and it is contagious in a way that is easy to underestimate.

The best emotional protection against a negative person is being secure and confident in yourself. Don’t let them make you doubt your abilities or undermine your desire to chase what you want.

Setting boundaries is how you give yourself a break from someone encroaching. And a boundary does not have to be a confrontation - most of the useful ones are quiet. Shorter conversations. Less availability. Not offering the detail that becomes the next thing they pick at. You are not punishing anyone. You are just declining to hand over more surface area.

You need space where you can clear your head after dealing with someone who drains you.

The only person you have control over is yourself, so put that effort into your own happiness. Rise above it and stay positive.

-Kashish