Live the present!!

One of the hardest lessons in life is to let go. Whether it is guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.

We all go through so many ups and downs. We experience so much. We learn enough from the past to be careful in the present and avoid disasters in the future.

One thing we should all remember: don’t get discouraged by what you are going through. Everything is a new experience, and life is a long journey. Good or bad, these are phases.

Don’t hold on to the past. And don’t worry about the future.

The past is gone and will not come back. The future is not known to us.

So… JUST LIVE THE PRESENT!!

Why that is harder than it sounds

That sentence gets printed on so many things that it has almost stopped meaning anything, so let me say what actually makes it difficult.

Living in the present is not a relaxation technique. It is a loss of protection.

Thinking about the past feels productive because it feels like you are extracting a lesson, and it lets you stay near something you are not ready to put down. Thinking about the future feels responsible, because worrying feels like preparing - even though it almost never is.

The present has neither of those comforts. It is just what is actually here, which on a difficult day is precisely the thing you were avoiding.

That is why people find it hard. Not because they lack discipline, but because the past and the future are both, in their own way, places to hide.

Yes, we experience bad things, feel disheartened and lose hope. But trust me when I say bad experiences are also essential for survival. Without them, you cannot recognise the value of what is around you. We just need to be strong and learn.

About the people we lose

When we lose something or someone, it is only then that we realise their importance. Sometimes it is not too late to act on our mistakes. Sometimes we know we hurt them badly and will not be forgiven.

And it is not because they don’t want you any more, or because they have moved on. Often it is because they are not strong enough to go through all of it again.

That line took me a long time to accept. We tend to read someone’s distance as a judgement on us. Frequently it is not a judgement at all - it is self-protection. They are not punishing you. They are simply not able to survive a second round of the same thing, and that is a completely reasonable thing for a person to decide.

You can respect that and still be sad about it. Both are allowed.

Be patient

Whatever situation you find yourself in, be patient. Yes, you read that right. It is not an easy task, but you have to.

Patience gets sold as a virtue, which makes it sound gentle. In practice it is one of the most difficult things there is, because it means sitting with something unresolved without doing anything to force it closed. Most of the damage I have watched people do to their own lives came from an inability to sit in an unfinished moment for a few more weeks.

Remember: your time is coming.

Wherever you are is not where you are going to stay forever. Keep that in mind, always.

A small practice

If living in the present sounds too abstract to actually do, here is the smallest version I know.

Several times a day, for about thirty seconds, notice something physical. The temperature of the room. The sound outside. The weight of you in the chair.

That is it. No breathing technique, no clearing the mind. Just arriving where your body already is, because your body is the only part of you that is never in the past or the future.

It is a very small thing. Done often enough, it changes how much of your life you were actually present for.

-kashish