Phases of Life!!

There comes a phase in everyone’s life where you just feel alone and shattered. All of us go through it once in a while - a breakup with a partner, with friends, and sometimes losing both at once.

No matter how hard you try to save a relationship, most of the time you will be blamed and cursed for what happened. The other person will often never try to clear the misunderstandings. The one who committed with loyalty suffers badly in all of it. They either fall into a low place, or take a path that does not serve them.

Trust me, whatever situation you end up in, you are usually the one who suffers. No matter how hard you tried to save it, you will still be labelled the liar or the cheat.

What actually happens in that phase

Something worth naming, because at the time it feels like personal weakness rather than a normal process.

You do not just lose the person. You lose the version of the future you had already half-built in your head. The plans, the assumed Sundays, the small things you were saving up to tell them. All of that has to be dismantled, quietly, over months, and none of it is visible to anyone else. People think you are grieving one thing. You are actually grieving about forty.

That is why it takes so much longer than everybody expects, including you.

Remember one thing: be careful about who you hand your weakest moments to. Not everyone deserves that access, and some will enjoy having it.

It only breaks YOU when you give someone everything and that person will not even listen to you once.

Please just say it

It is very easy to break someone’s heart. That is why so many people do it.

Just don’t break someone. If you don’t want to be with them, tell them. Express what you feel. Share it. Don’t hide things, and don’t do things that will tear the other person apart.

You once fell for that person. You wished, for a moment, to be together. They were your choice, and it was your decision to stay. At some point you said you loved them.

So if you feel like leaving, let them know. Don’t cheat. Don’t hurt. Make them understand the whole situation.

I want to be honest about why people don’t do this, because it is not usually cruelty. It is cowardice dressed as kindness. Ending something properly means sitting in a room while someone you care about is devastated in front of you, and knowing you caused it. Almost nobody wants that hour.

So instead they fade. They get busy. They become slightly colder each week until the other person gives up first, which conveniently makes it their decision.

That is not gentler. It is just quieter for you and much worse for them, because they never get told what happened. They are left constructing theories about themselves for years, and every one of those theories is worse than the truth would have been.

Take the hour. It is the last honest thing you can give someone, and it costs you far less than it costs them not to have it.

Going through a phase like that is genuinely awful. Don’t push anyone into one. Never. Let them know. Don’t break them. Don’t spoil someone’s life.

It ends

And if you are inside one of these phases right now, here is the only thing I would want you to take from this.

It ends. Not because someone comes back, and not because you find the explanation you have been looking for. It simply loses its grip, slowly, at a pace that will feel insulting while you are waiting for it.

One day you will notice you got through a whole afternoon without the thought arriving. Then a week. You will not be able to name the day it lifted, which is precisely how you will know it did.

-Kashish